Oxygen Mask Theory
Taking Care of Yourself Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Others
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We all know the drill: you’ve boarded the plane, stowed (or, in my case, shoved) your carry-on above or below your seat, and you’re now slyly scrolling your phone, seeing how far you can push your luck before you get a stern talking to from the flight staff. Then, their safety spiel begins. “In the case of a change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will appear. Please put your mask on first, before assisting others.” So rarely are we feeling philosophical as we sit there on the tarmac, but have you ever considered that this oxygen mask line is actually profoundly astute? It’s a perfect metaphor in all aspects of life: we must first care for ourselves before we can effectively take care of those around us.
At some point, this sentiment was coined the “oxygen mask theory,” and widely adopted in wellness and self-care circles. It’s something I’ve come to think about a lot since becoming a mom to Elsie in late 2023. While it’s especially pertinent for moms, as we so often put our kids' needs before our own, the theory applies to everyone, with or without dependents. The truth is, taking care of yourself first isn’t selfish. Though counterintuitive, investing in yourself is one of the best things you can do for everyone else around you too.
Have you ever thought to yourself, “A massage would be nice…” only to wave the thought away as quickly as it came? “A massage?”, Your inner critic might exclaim, “ How indulgent! Extravagant! Frivolous!” But, once you quiet that negative voice in your head, you might consider: a massage is exactly what I need right now. I know this inner monologue well, and I think it’s something many of us struggle with. Self-care does feel inherently indulgent, but I’m here to challenge that. In the same way our cars need regular tune-ups, we, as human beings, need a little tuning too. When Elsie was born, I started to reframe self-care less as a luxury and more as essential maintenance. By stealing an hour here and there to invest in me-time, I present a stronger, happier, and more confident version of myself that I know makes me a better mom, wife, colleague, friend, daughter, etc. etc.
So what does self-care actually look like? It’s different for everyone (obviously) based on our individual needs. And, spoiler, it doesn’t have to be expensive or “high maintenance.” For me, the practices that keep me sane span the gamut. On the higher maintenance end, I prioritize:
Weekly acupuncture. I recently started seeing
, who is amazing.
Space314, prettiest acupuncture studio I’ve seen yet! Lymphatic massage. I wish I went more often, but I try to fit it in once a quarter. I prefer manual to machine for maximum enjoyment and relaxation. Lisa Gainsley is my #1!
Beauty tune-ups. These little pick-me-ups can range from a fresh haircut or color, to an eye-lash tint or an organic spray tan. Most often, what I yearn for are my regular visits to my Naturopathic doctor and skin care specialist, Dr. Nigma. We’ll do face treatments or IVs, but we also talk about how I’m feeling and what’s going on in my body. She helps me with supplements, blood work, food sensitivities, etc. She genuinely keeps me feeling good, inside and out.
On the other end of the maintenance spectrum (yet equally as powerful), I love:
Breathwork. This is new to me! My amazing friend Zoë started hosting classes at her house in Laurel Canyon a few weeks ago. Jami Hoffman is the instructor, and she is incredible. In just 30 minutes, I swear I can access my subconscious. So many emotions come up. There is laughter, followed by tears. It sounds a little “out there,” I know, but at the end, you’re left with such a sense of clarity. I’ve only done about four sessions and can already really see what a powerful practice this is. I still haven’t gotten here with meditation. You can take an in-person class or private, but you can also do it on your own time with a guided app.
Morning pages. I am eeking along the Artists Way (my friend
has been leading a creative cluster to keep everyone accountable). I will admit, I’ve had trouble keeping up, but one thing I’ve started to enjoy is the morning pages. First thing in the morning (let’s be honest, I usually do it later in the day because who has time with a toddler first thing?), you jot down three pages of free-flow writing in a notebook. You don’t show anyone, and you don’t revisit it yourself. It’s just there to get ideas out and on paper! It’s been an amazing tool in helping to see and silence my inner critic.Daily movement. Many days, this just means walking with a good podcast between meetings or taking a call on a walk when I can! I love Silver Springs for pilates, yoga, or HIIT, but I’d say walking is my #1 for sanity and enjoyment. Plus, LA is in bloom, and getting outside and in nature has its own myriad of benefits, as we know!
Boundaries. I hear this one a lot from other moms, and it couldn’t be more true. Setting boundaries with your family, work, friends, etc. is an act of self-care. Sometimes saying no can be the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
Some of you might be rolling your eyes at my acupuncture, massage, or breathwork suggestions above. If that’s you, know this: science shows how powerful these practices are for getting our bodies into a restored state. While sleep is vital, it's not the only way our bodies need restoration. Achieving a "restored state" while awake allows our bodies to repair and regenerate, while allowing our stress hormones to drop way down. Regularly putting our bodies in this state allows us to manage cortisol levels while optimizing nervous system functioning. Check, check.
For anyone who wears an Oura ring, you might be familiar with the stress tracking feature (my favorite). Here are a few snapshots of my stress levels from Oura. You’ll notice a pattern: my stress comes all the way down to restored during both acupuncture and breathwork sessions.
With Mother’s Day coming up next weekend, my incredible mom is on my mind. She possessed a kind of love for her family that is hard to accurately put into words. If you’re familiar with John Alan Lee’s six love styles, my mom’s style would have been Agape: selfless and unconditional. Being on the receiving end of this love as a child was nothing short of extraordinary. Now that I’m grown up, however, I can see how this could lead to self-neglect from my mom’s point of view.
If you're a parent (especially a mom, you might recognize yourself as someone with an "agapic" love style. This is that selfless, unconditional love that puts others first... always. It's beautiful. It's powerful. And sometimes, it's exactly what makes you push your own needs aside until you've got nothing left to give. If this is you, here's your permission slip—not only is it okay to put yourself first sometimes, it's necessary. The most radical thing you can do as someone who loves deeply is to ensure you're operating from a full tank rather than running on fumes.
You don't need to book a week-long retreat to Canyon Ranch to get started (although cool if you can!). Instead, start with five minutes of intentional breathing. Schedule that appointment you've been putting off. Set a boundary around your time.
Remember your own oxygen first. Everything else follows.
Speaking of taking care of yourself first, there is no cozier feeling (except, maybe a good bathrobe) than putting on a butter soft, flattering, yet still so decadently comfortable pair of pajamas. I wear these nightly and have given the set as a gift, too. If I didn’t already have them, they would absolutely be a contender for a Mother’s Day gift (to and from myself, naturally).
This week, I had the pleasure of attending an intimate conversation with Jenni Kayne, Lanning Ardente (founder of Sorette), and a few other incredibly inspiring women. The conversation was rooted in motherhood and self-care (how fitting!). We discussed how overwhelming it has become for consumers (even discerning ones) to make educated choices when shopping for pregnancy and motherhood-safe skincare. Lanning’s Sorette Seal of Approval is like a USDA Organic sticker you might look for when buying produce or even the certified Gluten-free seal that people with celiac rely on. Eleven Oak Essentials products already have the Sorette seal of approval, and I went home with three of them: The Firming Plant Peptide Serum, The Balancing Mist, and the Ritual oil.
Last week, I wrote about Violet Grey’s Mother’s Day box and this week, they sent me one (!!!). When I say this box is a treat, it really is. The C & the Moon Glow Oil was a mainstay for me during my pregnancy with Elsie (as was the body scrub) and I’ll be bathing my skin in it all summer long, keeping it healthy, hydrated, and glow-y. The 111Skin Cryo Depuffing Eye Mask is another treat in there I’m excited to try.
Yesterday, I worked with an incredible organizer named Brooke to get started on a big spring clean with me. She helped me make sense of so many things I’d been avoiding. If you have an aversion to outlets or appliance wires on countertops like I do, you might like this Outlet Cover and Extension Cord number. We also ordered a candle wick trimmer to prevent soot buildup! A wick that is too long can cause the candle to burn too hot, leading to the production of soot, subsequently damaging your candle and negatively impact your indoor air quality. Trim the wick to a quarter inch and you’ll prevent it from burning too hot and creating soot. Turns out, candles need a little self-care too.
I recently discovered a new app called Sublime, best described as “an inspiration engine for ideas.” It’s part Pinterest, part Figma, part notes app and makes saving ideas, images, basically anything you come across really easy to save for later and revisit when you need it. I have both the desktop and mobile app versions and have become a power user in a little under two weeks! Here’s an example of an idea I recently saved to Sublime:
TRUTH! "The most radical thing you can do as someone who loves deeply is to ensure you're operating from a full tank rather than running on fumes." Thank you for this reminder, Lacey!
Loved reading this. Self care is so important and perfectly said around Mothers Day 💓👏